Claimed By Grace

I had an extremely great pregnancy with Zoey. I had no complications and even had a fantastic delivery... A bit fast and I pushed way to hard but I had a beautiful little girl and that's all I cares about.

I first felt something wasn't quite right at the hospital maybe a day after delivery.

I was checked and sent home with no complications.

*GRAPHIC CONTENT*

Fast forward six months. I started experiencing pain in my lower abdomen and started noticing fecal matter in my urine. At first it was a little bit but it increased.

I went to my doctor and she told me I had a rectal-vaginal fistula. Which is basically when I pushed for Zoey I pushed too hard and in my muscles formed a small hole. Its actually pretty common with women giving birth so my doctor told me it wouldn't take much to fix.

Fast forward two years.... After seeing 6 doctors in Ottawa each telling me that it was out side of their scope and being in the worst pain of my life I moved to Sudbury and within a month I had a surgeon who is amazing and had a MRI and CT scan booked.

Fast forward to yesterday. I have to have three surgeries... The first is this one to get my ostomy bag. Its name is princess peachy poo.

The second will be in three months to repair the actual issues and the third will be to remove the ostomy.

Its been a really long lonely painful journey.
Not many people have known about my journey because it is embarrassing and gross and to put yourself on display is hard.

But I'm learning something huge... First it's not my fault or zoeys fault... Its apart of life and yes it sucks I have learned how to deal with it.

Second...the more I talk about it the more freeing it becomes. And yes people are going to judge and have their opinions...but I don't care.

This is my journey to get healthy and have another baby part of it is my emotional healing.

I serve an amazing God who heals and provides and protects.
My future is in his hands. 💓

Xoxo

Jess

My daughter has been sick since last Monday. She has thrown up, had diarrhea and has a double ear infection. She had a small seizure and is finally on antibiotics...

I have been pretty much housebound all week which I hate.
My mother in law calls me her gallivanter because I can't sit at home all day... It makes me crazy so not being  allowed to bring zoey to my moms who runs daycare has been a challenge because we usually spend two or three days there a week.

But today as my daughter naps and I relax for a minute before she's up again destroying my house I realized something...

She needs me... And I need her.
She relied on me all week to supply her with her medication, taking her temperature and making her food without milk products... She doesn't need the chaotic run around life I have some how made apart of our daily routine. She needs me here at home in her environment to care for her to play with her and to just be here with her.

Its okay that my house Is messy...that I did the dishes for an hour and I probably have another hour to do. It doesn't matter that goldfish crackers lay littered across my floor. My daughter who I love trusts me and needs me.

And I also realized another thing... By being home and not rushing around all week I have had time to reflect on my time I've been a mom for the past two years and I can honestly say I've done the best job for my little girl because God gave this beautiful little lady to me and its my job to protect her and bring her up right.

It only took a week but this week has been so worth it. 

I've trusted God more for his blessings. I've truly been grateful for my daughter not being more sick..

Thank you Lord for giving me Zoey. Thank you for allowing me to just have to be grounded so I could take this time to appreciate her more and take the time with you.
Please help me to keep this as an ongoing life change So that instead of living a rushed life where I can't hear you speak I slow down and take that time with you.

Thank you Lord.