Claimed By Grace

So funny enough the day after I write a post about being more intentional with my life... Two things happened that made me step back and say to myself... Why am I rushing through this and why did this make me so upset?

The first was an innocent mistake... A few days ago I wrote on a chalkboard sign for my kitchen ... BE INTENTIONAL... Its a daily reminder to take the time and enjoy life and do things with intent... I was rushing to write this sign before I went out and in my rush I forgot the "T." How ironic was it that I spelt the very word wrong that I was trying to live out.

If you know me, you know I run late... Alot! I really don't do it on purpose... I try really hard to not be late but sometimes it happens..
So this is an area I am working intentionally on to make sure I am on either on time or early to an event or a get together.

Anyways, today I went out with my coworkers tubing but first I packed up Zo and had to drop her off to my Moms house. But I couldn't find my keys anywhere. I knew I had locked the car when I came home. I knew I had put them on the black table in my front entry but they weren't there when I went to grab them... I searched EVERYWHERE! I was supposed to spend time with my mom before I left because we hadn't seen each other and wanted to chat and catch up! I ripped apart my newly cleaned house looking for these keys... Finally In the basket of Zoeys grocery cart hidden under a mound of toys there they sat. I got so upset with her. I scolded her for touching them and hiding them.

I drove to my moms and looked in the mirror to see a hurt little girl. I pulled into my parents drive way and just hugged her and apologized for getting upset. She was pretending to be mommy. She didnt know that I was in a rush and needed to leave then to make it on time.

So my lesson for myself today is although our intention might be there to make ourselves better. It's not going to change magically over night. Change takes time and action and doing something well you have to practice. Now I know that I have to put up the keys if I don't want my two year old to play with them.

Don't take life so seriously... My mom and friends forgave me for being late...and next time I'll try harder!

For the past few years I've felt caught up in a chaotic circle that doesn't end... Meeting after meeting, job expectations that don't bring joy, not truly enjoying my family time, running from one end of the city to the other fitting people in last minute...but never feeling contentment from true connection. Ever feel like that?

This life can be lonely... I have found I isolated myself from real friendships... And sad to actually write this,  I had isolated myself from my own family... Being there but not truly being present.

I acquired stuff to make me happy... One more wall piece would fill my heart. One more item of clothing would make me feel better...  But what I desired most of all was acceptance and some how through trying too hard.. I wasn't gaining anyone's acceptance... I was pushing those who loved me away.

I realized this one night when I had started my day at 6:30 running my husband to work then I spent the next few hours running around trying to get Zo to her babysitters and groceries done and then to my job which I didn't fully love... I then would pick up Zo (usually late, again trying to please) and then rush across town to home to get supper on and then wait in a parking lot sometimes till 9 to get my hubby from work... This was day after day for a year. We never saw each other, never had fulfilment in the jobs we were in and were constantly on the go.

We needed a change. Our first real change came when we decided to move back to the city where we had met.

With this change our first priority was putting our lives back on track to where God wanted us. We got involved in church again and reading our bible's again. We seeked his will for our lives.
Secondly; We started to declutter our life..One object at a time..But not just physical stuff. We let go of baggage that we didn't need... And we gained back precious time together.

Third; We made family time a priority... Our focus became what could we do to make our family life whole. I took a night contract so I was available with Zoey during the day(unfortunately no sleep + active two year old don't mix) but now am in a perfect contract that I can have more time with Zoey and still make a difference at work.

I can truly say I love what I do now. I work with people with developmental  disabilities in an independent living setting. I thrive at my job and have been involved in some pretty cool experiences through it.(and the pay/benefits are amazing... 100% of my ostomy supplies are covered) I work every other weekend but those 2 12 hour shifts give me the time to be home with Zo during the weeks.

A friend of mine told me about the Konmari method... It's a book you can buy... I got a basic low down of it and it is keep items in your house that spark joy... So that is our next step. Making our home our own by keeping what we truly like and need not keeping items out of necessity(like having 10 spatulas, or 100 towels) or keeping things out of guilt (gifts that you wont use, broken items etc)
So far my living room has gotten a major overhaul. It looks like my home now and I want to spend time in it.

The next two areas we are working on are:
Our health and being intentional with friendships.
Our health means we are focusing on living a healthier life style, less junk! And more moving.

And friendships;
We have had friendships that weigh us down, where we have to do the work 100% of the time. Where you leave a get together feeling like the dirt of the earth We are focusing our attention to those who bring us up, who inspire us and those who want to make an effort.

(Check out my next blog about intentional friendships and our health journey in the weeks to come)

I write all of this to say; I want to start enjoying my daily life... Actually being in the moment and getting rid of the stuff that drags me down.

How about you? What things "spark joy" in your life? Are you going day to day without actually being in the moment?

Live your life in such a way that when people see you they see joy without you having to say a word. Love your family and those closest to you and be thankful for what God has given you everyday.