Claimed By Grace

A follow up post to this mornings...

Deep breath in.... Exhale...

Sometimes... Life has a funny way of changing and sometimes we need to role with the punches.

Today I was scheduled as an on call patient. There are no guarantees when it comes to this on call patient list as emergencies always happen and they forewarned me that even at the last minute I may not get the surgery done today.

If you know me you know I'm not a patient person and I also like things done my way...
So waiting for almost three years for this surgery has not been an easy task... Everytime we get close, something comes up. I got the call at 9am to come in to start my prep. I got the needles, I was in my robe... I cranked "fight song" and "roar" in the car to get me pumped up... I was READY...
So when my name was called today and I was told I would not be having the surgery due to two emergency cases I was devastated.
The nurse who came to tell me the disappointing news told me this after she saw tears welling in my eyes.. I believe everything happens for a reason and today just wasn't that day.
I could sit here all day and play the what if game.... But at the end of the day it won't solve anything. I'll still have to wait for another surgery date.

Through this journey I've been connected to some pretty awesome people...
One is a really awesome girl. She was Involved in a horrific car accident a few months back and had her life completly thrown upside down... Not an easy thing to deal with I'm sure especially having a baby boy and sweet family at home.
She has been such an encouragement in my life and if we have bad days we talk it out..its so great to know someone else is walking a similar path... And is just there for me.
Today after I went home and cried my mom reminded me of something. She told me Jess do you remember when your friend was in that really bad accident and she needed emergency surgery. Now Think of that person today that needed that surgery... They need to be there.. Wowzer Mom..  That was a wake up call and definitly put it into perspective.
So instead of being caught up in my own life drama... We stopped and prayed for those situations... Those people who NEEDED to be there and take my spot. We also thanked God for my beautiful new friend that she is healing and is doing so well today because of that needed spot.
Its hard not to be selfish in those situations... But I know my day will come and I'll be rescheduled and it will be done.

I just hold on to hope that each little thing that I'm going through along the way has a life lesson hidden inside.

Like the other day After work;  I stopped in at Walmart to pick up a curtain rod. I was standing in the 20 item or less line when I noticed this girl snickering and staring.
I've grown accustomed to people looking at my stomach as it looks like I'm pregnant on half my body. But this girl was really laughing, she then turned to her boyfriend and he looked up, looked at me and laughed. I thought maybe I had something on me.... But I looked down and I noticed the bottom of my bag sticking out a bit. They were actually making fun of me in front of my face.
I walked past them and could still hear them so I just smiled and walked past.

I paid and went to the car where I sat for a few minutes in silence...then the dam broke and I just sobbed. How dare they make fun of me...they don't know anything about me or my story or what I've been through. How can people be so mean?  Dont they know that this plastic piece on my stomach is saving me from pain? That so.many people have one and you wouldn't even know?

Friends... I'm not looking for pity or I'm not trying to get "likes" or see how many comments I can generate. I just want to ask you to be kind to others. To see someone life through their eyes and put your standard of a perfect life aside to kneel down and help someone today. It doesn't take much to give encouragement or to show love.
I encourage you to pray for those who make fun of you or who cut you off... Or those people who just get on your nerves. Something I've learned is everyone is going through their own battle... And who are we to judge that.

All in love;

Jess

As an athlete you prep for weeks before your big game so that when it comes down to the actual day your ready.
You train your body and exercise and get the needed sleep. You eat a special diet and you push your body past its regular state to accomplish big goals.
I think this is why a loss is so incredibly difficult.

I feel like I've been training for almost three years for today.  I've pushed myself to the brink...I've given up foods with seeds, strings, peels and so on and so forth. I've trained myself on my ostomy and on living a different life style. I'm ready...

So as I wait for this much anticipated call to tell me to come in to have my surgery today I can't help but be nervous.
I've been prepped on the game plays.  I've known the details of my surgery for a year. I know what my surgeon wants to do and how if its not successful two other ways we can go about getting a touchdown.

When you have to wait for  something; like truly wait for something; whether it be test results or to have a baby or to have a life altering surgery... It gives you perspective and teaches you gratitude.. It shows you that what your waiting for is important and that it is a priority. It shows others around you what you value and it gives the opportunity to allow others walking similar battles to come beside you and hold your hand and lift you up and encourage you.

I am so thankful that I've been given an AMAZING support circle and many prayer warriors.

Don't do it alone. Find someone, a friend, a family member, someone who can come beside you and be an encouragement to you. It's okay to be vulnerable... I've learned that the more I hide my journey, the lonelier I become. Ever since my first surgery in April... I have had freedom. Not everyone wants to hear or talk about personal issues...find those people who will listen. The amount of times I've heard I'm walking through something hard too is unreal when you get out of your comfort zone and just open up about your journey. I don't go into full detail with people unless they ask me questions and want to know more.

Trust that God is up to something and working it all out for your good. Sometimes it takes a LONG time... Sometimes it happens immediately... But trust in the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5 says to trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding... Sometimes what we want and think is best for our lives isn't what God has in store. He has something so much better.

Lean on his word. He tells us if we delight ourselves in the Lord... he gives us the desires of our hearts Proverbs 37:4....

And crazy enough as I'm writing this I just got my call to come in....

Its Game Time Y'all! I'll post on the other side.